“Light me, and I’ll burn for you” is a lyric from the INXS song “Burn For You.” It contains an entire philosophy of life, and see if you agree that it gets to the heart of the misunderstandings and resentments that occur between introverted and extroverted types.
I once marveled at how big a band INXS was, thinking, “A rock band with all of nine musicians on stage?!” Later, I discovered that Michael Hutchence had another band, formed during an INXS hiatus, called Max Q, this time with seven members. It finally became obvious: Hutchence’s attitude seemed to be, “I like you, so why not be in my band?” One might recall the Kamen Rider Fourze series, in which the lead character seeks to make friends with every single student in his school while battling the powers of evil.
An artist can be as solo, uncluttered, and pure as a Zen garden. Then again, an artist can have an attitude of “the more the merrier” and join forces with as many people as possible, no matter how jumbled the stage gets. These are two diametric approaches to how art can be handled.
Lovers of collaborations may be taken aback when fellow artists shy away from making connections. The difference between the solo (narrow spotlight) and big-band (expansive limelight) approaches is so great it can be nigh impossible to reconcile the two, and hurt feelings seem almost inevitable on both sides (the extrovert feeling snubbed and unsupported, the introvert feeling crowded and pressured).
Some powerful insights are offered by psychologist Barbara Velazquez:
The extrovert lives in the world of what is; the introvert in the world of what can or should be. Neither is truly aware of the existence of the other’s point of view. Upon perceiving evidence of the other’s existence, both regard it as unnatural, alien, and irregular, little knowing that the other perspective is as common as their own.
The reason introverts and extroverts are so often unaware of the other’s existence is that “our immediate environment tends to be consistent with our psychological perspective.” Extroverts tend to marry extroverts and raise children who share that orientation, and vice versa. “Our friendships and our occupations also tend to reflect our psychological orientation.” Crucially:
It is where introversion and extroversion meet as strangers that misunderstanding and resentment appear. The introverted son of extroverted parents would find himself chided for his shyness and introspection, and his unconventionality and pride in individuality could be considered an oddity. The Extrovert Sensation type, placed in a strongly metaphysical environment, could be regarded as overly materialistic, narrowminded, and lacking in faith.
It’s interesting to note that:
The extrovert looks to observable clues in the external environment as a guideline for behavior. Since in the introvert such guidelines are not observable but are the result of unobservable mental processes, much of the behavior is regarded as nothing short of unfathomable. The introvert, on the other hand, expects others to manipulate and evaluate reality from a similar conceptual vantage point. When it slowly becomes apparent that this does not take place, the external demands placed upon the introvert begin to appear inexplicably superficial and limiting. Each, out of ignorance, tends to regard the difference in the other’s perspective as a personal affront. (Thinking on the Edge, 1993).
Naturally there are many studies about how opposites can temper one another and work together successfully. Nobody is 100% introverted or extroverted (you may even be an “ambivert” right in the middle, an “omnivert” at one extreme or the other according to mood, or an “otrovert” who is socially capable yet feels like a perpetual outsider). Knowing about where you register on the spectrum and observing where another registers will obviously serve to help smooth misunderstandings and resentments as we all seek to create art.
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